You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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