Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
