Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
