I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
