if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
