So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
