so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
