it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
