in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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