If that was your dad, he is hot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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