I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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