Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
