So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
