Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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