so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
