seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
