I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
