the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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