i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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