didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know her cup size but not her name....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
