he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
