Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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