I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
