this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
