I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
