she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
