it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
