I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
