he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
