I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
