His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
