Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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