Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
