Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
