dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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