Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
