yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
