I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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