No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
