is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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