I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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