i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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