idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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