Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
