normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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