a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You pole danced in your parka.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
