forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
