hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
