Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
