I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
