After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
