Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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