this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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