She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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