My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
