See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
be right there i have to get my cape
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
