yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
