half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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