So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
