Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
