bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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