she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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