My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
