Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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