New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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