Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize