Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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