for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I deserve this hangover.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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