After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
