I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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