the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
