I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
