It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
