You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize