I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I didn't notice because vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
