dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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